Of regrets and hope

December 31, 2017


My New Year's Eve was spent as every normal late 20s are, in bed lol 
I could barely stay awake for 0000 AM but I did! So I wished my closest family and friends a happy new year and off I head to dreamland.

TBH I never made any resolutions at all for 2017. I wonder why.
Perhaps I wanted to see how living aimlessly feels like and boy, have I gotten a bite on it and it wasn't  very tasty. 
I had zero dreams, zero aim and goal in life. That's how bad it was.
Mind you, I know what I wanted to do, like learning a new language, taking up a professional course, find a new hobby, travel the world but because there because there wasn't any goal, I did not act on them so here I am, a year older a year wiser nontheless but nowhere closer to my dreams in life.

2017 Takeaway:
• Changed my aimless job to my dream industry
I've always wanted to work in the beauty industry. I mean, who doesn't especially one who is vain (uh hum no judging) and well, vain as me. I want to look and feel beautiful and I want to make other girls look and feel beautiful too. 
It was quite a major change of environment for me. From colleagues that we could laugh and joke around and sometimes even pulling a joke on the VP to an environment that requires perfection and absolute details in everything. Well, I'm still adjusting but the oomph to work and be better is there and I like it!
• Travelling overseas and locally
It all started with my Melbourne trip in 2016. One taste of it and I'm hooked! I want to travel the world and immerse myself in the local culture. I want to feast on all the amazing places that God has made and to bring back a piece of that place with me so that I can show people how truly amazing the world outside can be.

Places travelled this year:
Betong, Thailand
Genting (so my list looks longer)

And I even influenced le bf to travel with me! And true enough, he's hooked himself lol so more travels this year! *throws confetti

• Stopped active blogging
I know I know, one you would know of. To be really honest, I missed blogging, I missed having a place rant and go to exciting events and everything. I mean, blogging looks all sparkly and sweet from the outside but I didn't liked what it was doing to me in the inside.
I cared too much on my likes and views it was ruining my life.
Everything I do everywhere I go I wanted to look and dress perfect just to get those extra likes.
Going places with friends and family wasn't fun anymore it was just for me to take that perfect picture to post to instagram with multiple hashtags for those extra likes. And when I wasn't getting my expected likes, I got depressed and started self doubting. Why are they getting more likes than me? Maybe I need to look like them to get more likes. Maybe I'm not as pretty that's why.
It was eating me from the inside out and I wanted out. So out I went.
Of course sometimes I wish I was in all the exciting and once in a lifetime events and sponsors but no. I'm not going to put myself into all of that anymore. I can choose to not dress nicely with perfect make up and find that insta-worthy spot anymore and just live.

• Live, move and have our being in Him
Learnt how to not rely on myself on everything but just trust God that he will provide the best for me. This year, I experienced God more than ever and learnt not to do everything my way in hoping that the result comes out my way. Get me? For example, I stopped nagging le bf in how I want him to think and act and just let go knowing that there is someone more powerful up there doing all the work. Result? I'm happier and he's happier and everyone's happy while I still get my way #winmuch

• Speak up and let go
Being asian, I keep my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes inside of me, hoping that people can magically know what I think through telepathy. It's hard, communicating how you feel and leaving yourself bare for the world to see and judge. It's a slow process and I'm getting there. I am learning how to not take everything personally and how it's okay to let people know that I'm hurt. I also am learning to let go and just apologize for something because apologizing does not mean you're less of a person. On the contrary, it means that the person you're apologizing to is much worthy than the size of your ego. 

2018 Resolution
• Learn a new language
• Take up a professional course
• Travel more
• Find a hobby
• Healthier lifestyle
• Go for a mission trip
• Family trip overseas
• Serve in church

I just know that 2018 is going to be a blessed year for me and so many good things is coming my way I can't wait to breeze through this year knowing it'll be so much fruitful and joyful than last year.
I hope that you feel this way about this year too!

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